RESENTMENT ROSS SMITH
(ALL REFERENCES FROM AMPLIFIED VERSION UNLESS SPECIFIED)
Sometimes subjects arise that seem to have very little relevance and we ask why, however if we are to be useful to the Lord then it would seem that it is appropriate to follow through on these matters, even though they may languish in our files, they still reside in our heart. This is one of those such subjects, there was no good reason for me to study this subject as far as I could determine, having explored my heart to see if I needed to rectify some attitude or behaviour that applied.
It is some considerable time since we looked at “Agitating Passions and Moral Conflicts”, but the fact that this basic principle has arisen again in a different format would seem to indicate that there is much room for improvement. “Agitating Passions and Moral Conflicts” are involved very closely with the subject of today’s study, because it identifies those attitudes that conflict with the character of Christ we are expected to demonstrate.
The expression of Paul to the Romans when contemplated, includes our propensity for deferment to our own demands, our ego or self, and when we are self-centred then we become a slave to our carnal appetites.
Romans 6:16 Do you not know that if you continually surrender yourselves to anyone to do his will, you are the slaves of him whom you obey, whether that be to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience which leads to righteousness (right doing and right standing with God)?
Our biggest battle is between what we know and what we feel, AND ONLY ONE CAN WIN. The relevancy of this study will be determined by the sincerity of our commitment to God’s Law, and we can ignore it to our peril, or adopt it to our preservation.
And so I find: –
RESENTMENT IS LIKE TAKING POISON AND WAITING FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO DIE.
THE LONGER WE WALLOW THE DEEPER THE RUT
A Definition of RESENTMENT: “Holding on to or showing feelings of intense [strong] animosity [hatred, anger], resentment or vindictiveness [wanting to get back at someone].
Resentment is the absence of love, the two are mutually exclusive.
1 Corinthians 13:5B (LOVE) is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
There is a more perilous resentment, and that is RESENTMENT AGAINST GOD. We will address this further on.
Some folk think they have dealt with resentment, maybe issuing from events decades ago, but they just live in denial, all the while unable to spiritually progress. Let there be an event which triggers the memory and suddenly all the vitriol comes bubbling to the surface. It is not enough to try and submerged this resentment in deep the ocean of time, it must be forgiven and corrected before there can be function.
When people have “stalled “in their spiritual growth, most often “Resentment” is the roadblock, even if that resentment is not active in their mind it is active and affecting their heart.
The triggers for “Resentment” are myriad, often unrelated, and they contaminate whole families, rust and corrode the heart and spirit of the individual, get handed along, get perpetuated, until there seems the purpose of living is hardly worthwhile, because everyone gets dragged into the net of bitterness. The devil knows full well the effect of “Resentment” and uses it to great effect in the destruction of marriages, successfully negating God’s institution.
(1 John 1:6-7, 1 John 2: 9 & 11, Isaiah 1:5-6)
Other words that describe “RESENTMENT” include BITTERNESS, and this is described as, “merciless, unforgiving, holding a grudge.” Bitterness is also described as “feelings resulting from something that is difficult to accept.”
This definition broadens the scope of our understanding of the condition, for it not only describes some feeling of remoteness from a person, it goes on to describe the tentacles, or “ROOT” as the Word describes, that then carry the poison right through the whole individual, affecting every aspect of life, whether it be emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and from Hebrews 12:15 it indicates that it is also environmental, “AFFECTING MANY.”
1 Corinthians 3:3 For you are still [unspiritual, having the nature] of the flesh [under the control of ordinary impulses]. For as long as [there are] envying and jealousy and wrangling and factions among you, are you not unspiritual and of the flesh, behaving yourselves after a human standard and like mere (unchanged) men?
Romans 8:6-7 Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] IS DEATH [death that comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever]. [That is] because the mind of the flesh [with its carnal thoughts and purposes] is hostile to God, for it does not submit itself to God’s Law; indeed it cannot.
The refining of our thoughts will enable the refining of our conversation, and the dedication of our lives, and the redemption of our souls.
Bitterness can also be directed against self, and show itself in an inability to forgive yourself, even though God has forgiven you.
This unfortunately can cause us to live in self-pity. You say “okay, I deserved this, God is trying to punish me, our pride effects and harms us and we refuse the forgiveness of God and others. And so, we continue to plod along nursing bitter resentment and a grudge against someone, or worse, against God. We carry it until we make life miserable for ourselves and everyone around. Why does this happened? Because we never dealt with our bitterness. The Counsel of Hebrews 12:15 requires action.
Hebrews 12:15 EXERCISE FORESIGHT and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favour and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of RESENTMENT (rancour, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the MANY BECOME CONTAMINATED and defiled by it
No amount of counselling, and advice, encouragement et cetera will ever be effective until a person deals with the underlying cause of “Resentment” and “Bitterness”. This “counselling” will be like leaf litter, it falls to the ground, eventually rots and becomes nourishment for the roots below, unfortunately, “Roots of Bitterness”.
This root referred to is usually under the ground. It is unseen, but feeds the evidence, like weeds growing through brick work. Bitterness can be an unseen enemy, growing like a tumour in your mind and in your spirit. Just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.
“Resentment” originates in past times and events, and is evidenced in present time. Sometimes we are like the man who came running into the office of a marriage counsellor. “Sir, you’ve got to do something about my wife, hurry, she is historical, she is historical.” The counsellor said “Now, wait a minute, you mean she is hysterical.” “He said “No, she is historical, she keeps bringing up everything from the past.”
Resentment refers to the mental process of repetitively replaying a feeling, and the events leading up to it, thoughts that goad or anger us. We don’t replay a cool litany of facts in resentment; we re-experience and relive them in ways that affect us emotionally, physiologically, and spiritually in very destructive ways. Frequently it is quite easy to detect “resentment”, responses are curt, or non-existent, communication is curtailed, phony friendliness, sarcasm, demeaning talk, agitation and unexpected anger, often unrelated.
RESENTMENT IS PART OF A BROADER PICTURE, “ANGER” is the initial reaction, this then provokes “RESENTMENT”, which forms a platform for “REBELLION” and as we know “REBELLION IS AS THE SIN OF WITCHCRAFT.” (1 Samuel 15:23) Such a process of deterioration is surely to be avoided at all cost.
James 3:16 For wherever there is jealousy (envy) and contention (rivalry and selfish ambition), there will also be confusion (unrest, disharmony, rebellion) AND ALL SORTS OF EVIL AND VILE PRACTICES.
Some of the by-products of “Resentment are: –
- Conceited in opinion
- Obstinate in resolution
- Impatient in opposition
- Compulsive in adversity
- Destructive in time
- Deathly in outcome
If we have resentment against one person, it quickly develops into resentment against others also, it cannot be quarantined, and so we must examine our motives and search our heart. The burden of pain that we carry drains our energy from creative and productive activity and makes us feel unworthy, guilty, hopeless, broken and unforgivable.
Part of the solution is clearly identified in Philippians where Paul calls it “a tranquil state and contentment, with everything”. If this is not our condition then there is cause to explore whether we have some “root of bitterness”, or “resentment” lurking in the dark recesses of our heart, eroding or plundering our spiritual health, and no matter how hard we try, we seldom progress.
Philippians 4:7 And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of WHATEVER SORT THAT IS, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your HEARTS AND MINDS in Christ Jesus.
Paul’s prescription and remedy is that we determine if our relationship with the Lord is what it should be. Discontentment is in opposition to God’s purpose for our life, it spells “UNBELIEF” and unbelief in its skeletal form is “DISOBEDIENCE”.
The less palatable term for “resentment” is “BITTERNESS”, often described as a “ROOT”, and a careful exploration of our heart is required to expel any trace of this aberration of our character and nature, an audit to see if we have isolated ourselves from God, unintentionally, but detrimentally, and the consequences are derailing our relationship with the Lord and His people.
Suffering makes you either sweet or bitter, one or the other, to one extreme or the other, it’s up to you. It will either humble you or harden you, heal you or hurt you, make you progress or make you regress, make your life a contrast or a contest.
A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances, but a person with a certain set of attitudes. Attitudes are those things stored in our heart from which we bring forth either good or bad things.
Matthew 12:35 -37 The good man from his inner good treasure (the attitudes in his heart .. comments mine) flings forth good things, and the evil man out of his inner evil storehouse flings forth evil things. But I tell you, on the day of judgment men will have to give account for every idle (inoperative, nonworking) word they speak. For by your words you will be justified and acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned and sentenced.
YOU CAN TELL IF YOUR HEART IS IN TUNE BY THE CHORD IT STRIKES.
The effects of “RESENTMENT” do not just affect our thinking, but affect every aspect of our life. According to the medical and scientific community, the affairs of the heart and affairs of the spirit affect us physically! In medical science, they call such afflictions “psychosomatic” illnesses, which means they are caused by our mind. But we’d say they’re caused by our spirit, by an improper attitude of heart, primarily a lack of love for the Lord and others, a failure to recognise that everything that happens is ordered of God. The “life of contrast” in Ephesians 5:11 will be acknowledged by all ad sundry because: –
John 13:35 BY THIS SHALL ALL [MEN] KNOW that you are My disciples, IF YOU LOVE ONE ANOTHER [if you keep on showing love among yourselves].
Luke 7:23 And blessed (happy–with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favour and salvation, apart from outward conditions–and to be envied) is he WHO TAKES NO OFFENSE in Me and WHO IS NOT HURT OR RESENTFUL OR ANNOYED OR REPELLED OR MADE TO STUMBLE [WHATEVER MAY OCCUR].
Proverbs 16:32-33 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, he who rules his [own] spirit (similar to capturing our thoughts .. comments mine) than he who takes a city. The lot is cast into the lap, but the decision is wholly of the Lord [even the events that seem accidental are really ordered by Him].
Doctors have found that people who are bitter and have a lot of hatred or resentment in their hearts, have much more arthritis than those who are at peace. Similarly, they’ve discovered that those who have a lot of fear in their minds–worries, tension, phobias, etc.–have a lot more mental trouble and more stomach trouble, as well as more heart trouble. Again, we need to review if our fears constitute those “Iron Chariots” (see study “Iron Chariots” on the blog) of fear that are based on a sense of “inadequacy”, a condition where we are looking to preserve our ego or self-life. When you resent someone, it will colour all your future interactions with that person, no matter how trivial, and continue to thrive in its corrupting habitat.
This burden would be destructive enough if its effects went no further, but such is not the case. These negative feelings, now converted over a period of time into attitudes, begin to develop within us negative patterns of behaviour, and our past begins to destroy our present. That which is so negative begins to want to destroy itself, and so we develop habits of self-destruction. This is particularly true in relation to partaking of The Lord’s Table.
In light of the study on “ARE WE READY”, wherein we looked at the absolute necessity for a change of thinking, it brings focus on the route required that we might have a mindset that is pleasing to the Lord. May I respectfully suggest that the church at large has either forgotten or ignored the principles that preserve us from the pitfalls that attend our improper attitudes.
Some people will harbour deep resentment toward others without any conscious knowledge that there is a problem. But when situations become tense, those old resentments find their way to the surface, impeding resolution and fuelling the fires of conflict. Talk about “WORTHLESS THOUGHTS” (Ephesians 4:17 ISV)
One of the greatest concerns is our participation around The Lord’s Table. The Bible says that if our brother has aught against us that we should not participate in the Table until we put it right. How much more serious is it if WE have aught against one another and fail to deal with it promptly, each time we come around the Table we may be crucifying the Lord again, and damning ourselves.
Should we partake of the Lord’s Table with resentment in our heart, and fail to remedy the matter before we partake, then the Bible is clear that we are “eating and drinking damnation to ourselves”. Is it any wonder that the church at large is feeble and impotent when the “joints and ligaments” are unable to be joined together, the bond being destroyed by improper participation?
I am sure that anyone who has even just read the scriptures is aware of the perilous state that occurs when we participate “unworthily”, or when we are harbouring resentments, we “eat and drink damnation”. Is it any wonder the devil would propagate these attitudes knowing that he does not have to do anything to destroy us, we are competently doing it ourselves.
Hebrews 6:6 If they then deviate from the faith (or fail to keep the instructions .. comments mine) and turn away from their allegiance–[it is impossible] to bring them back to repentance, for (because, while, as long as) they nail upon the cross the Son of God afresh [as far as they are concerned] and are holding [Him] up to contempt and shame and public disgrace.
This is not just gross sin that Paul is speaking about, it is a “deviation from the truth of God’s Word”, a contradiction of His instructions regarding the relationship of His people. The outcome of such an attitude Paul says is “Contempt, shame and public disgrace”, not just for the person involved, BUT FOR THE LORD HIMSELF. How serious does that make it? One of my fears has been that the church has relegated the Table of the Lord to a ritual tacked onto the end of the service, when it should be central to our worship.
If we allow bitterness and resentment and a critical spirit to remain and grow in our life, we will lose our anointing and our inspiration from the Lord. We can’t keep complaining about and resenting our lot in life, and criticising and murmuring about things that God or others have done to us, and keep God’s Holy Spirit on us at the same time. It just can’t be done. The Lord dwells in the praises of His people, and He draws near to us when we draw near to Him, “offering the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His name.” Sweet and bitter water cannot issue from the same spring.
ANGER is generally the initiation of “RESENTMENT, anger turns into resentment when we allow the anger to become persistent. We have reviewed the scripture in Psalm 46:10 at some length, and while we luxuriate in the thought that by “being Still” we can know God, we have generally ignored the preface, “LET BE and be still”, so there is no “being still” without the “let be”, and so it is no wonder there is such a dearth of “Knowing God” in the dimensions He proposes so frequently in His Word.
Hebrews 12:15 EXERCISE (means “do something about it .. comments mine) foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favour and spiritual blessing), IN ORDER (or “SO THAT” .. comments mine) that no root of resentment (rancour, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the MANY become contaminated and defiled by it—
The behaviour involving “Resentment” is not just personal, it is like yeast in dough, or a bad apple in the bin, it is not confined to just us, not to one singular effect, but results on contamination of “MANY”, and I don’t think I am being presumptuous in suggesting that we will be held accountable before the Lord for our harbouring such attitudes, and its widespread effects on “THE MANY”.
Amos 3:3 Do two walk together except they make an appointment and have agreed?
Proverbs 14:29 (ISV) Being slow to get angry compares to great understanding as being quick-tempered compares to stupidity.
How do you know you have resentment? Because history will be regurgitated, it may lay dormant for a time, maybe even decades, but then some little prompt will recover that file of resentment lying deep in the vault of your heart? I say “heart” because “Resentment” is an attitude, not just a thought, and it is from the heart we bring forth both good and bad.
Some of the initial manifestations can be a judgemental spirit that is harsh and demanding on self and others, a strong perfectionist attitude demanding the impossible from self and others, a strong pattern of fearing future events, a sense of aloneness and abandonment whenever there are times of decision, a preoccupation with one’s own guilt and compulsive reaction to compete for position and success. Usually there is a constant expectation of growth or breakthrough to a new spiritual freedom, but it hasn’t happened. It doesn’t happen because the heart is hurting.
Resentment is used by the devil in unbelievers, that’s why murder, retaliation, protests, like those against President Trump, the devil just sits back and gloats, resentment is doing its job at its destructive best.
2 Timothy 3:3 [They will be] without natural [human] affection (callous and inhuman), RELENTLESS (admitting of no truce or appeasement); [they will be] slanderers (false accusers, troublemakers), intemperate and loose in morals and conduct, uncontrolled and fierce, haters of good.
These are the characteristics becoming patently obvious in our generation and although we may personally be free of most of these characteristics, right in the middle appears “RELENTLESS”, which is classically described by Amplified Bible as “admitting of no truce or appeasement”. Other translations also use graphic but uncomplimentary terminology in their description.
ASV Implacable
ISV Unco-operative
ESV Unappeasable
BBE Bitter haters
ERV Refuse to forgive anyone
For this condition to be included in 2 Timothy 3:3 classifies it as amongst the worst. More concerning is that verse 5 spells out that this is a trait in those who would call themselves “Christian”. Please read at least the first 9 verses of 2 Timothy 3.
JUST AS RESENTMENT IS AN ATTITUDE, SO IS FORGIVENESS.
RESENTMENT AGAINST GOD
There is nothing more dangerous than resentment against God. Many folk will not admit that they are mad at God, but deep inside they hold a grudge. They may think He is not interested in their problems, doesn’t answer their prayers, interferes with their preferences, requires too much and gives too little, has taken their spouse or child, allowed an accident or illness, or just doesn’t act on their behalf. This is not the character of God.
Malachi 3:6 For I am the Lord, I do not change; that is why you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.
Lamentations 3:22 It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not
People tend to become angry with God when they see Him as personally responsible for negative events and when they interpret his intentions as being cruel and demanding. Some people see God as ultimately being the One Who was responsible when things go wrong, they become angry, thinking He has abandoned, betrayed or mistreated them.
Not surprisingly, the angry feelings tended to match up with a person’s general level of mental distress – – more distress is linked to more anger at God.
Some people see life as just one negative experience after another and so conclude that God doesn’t like them, that He is punishing them for something, or that He is simply out to make their life miserable. The truth of the matter is, God loves His children and never punishes them, despite our possible negative concepts, but He does correct them. Although punishment and chastening may be equally painful according to Hebrews 5:11, chastening is always corrective in its orientation, never punitive. God always has our good in mind permitting circumstance to make us more like Christ, and fulfilling His plan for our lives.
Things that transpire roundabout us bring home the sobering truth that we are not in charge. God is the One Who will ultimately determine what happens in our lives, that everything is either caused, or allowed by God. We can complain, get angry, and blame God for what is happening, yet if we will trust Him and yield our bitterness and pain to Him, acknowledging the sin of trying to force our own will over His, He can and will grant us his peace and strength to get us through any difficult situation.
RESENTMENT REQUIRES A REMEDY
The “REMEDY” is like a prescription from the Doctor, he has diagnosed the malady and then proceeds to prescribe the remedy. He also nominates how long and how often we should take the medicine, and frequently warns that it might take “x” amount of time before we see the results. The Apostle Mark obviously understood this principle for he dictates the time, the frequency, the outcome.
- The Time WHENEVER
- The Frequency EACH TIME WE PRAY, (WITHOUT CEASING)
- The Outcome WE FORGIVE SO WE GET BETTER
Mark 11:25 And WHENEVER you stand PRAYING, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your FATHER WHO IS IN HEAVEN MAY ALSO FORGIVE YOU your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.
AN APOLOGY IS NOT ALWAYS ACCOMPANIED BY FORGIVENESS!!
An easy test to see if we require a “REMEDY” is found in the Psalms, and covers all our reactions and responses.
Psalm 119:165 Great peace have they who LOVE YOUR LAW; NOTHING SHALL OFFEND THEM or make them STUMBLE.
AN OFFENCE TAKEN IS A STUMBLE EXPERIENCED.
There is a certain inbuilt resistance in human nature, obviously as a result of the fall, that sees that everyone else must change, but “I’m alright Jack.” It is often difficult to be introspective particularly when we feel that it is someone else’s fault, and so we press on with stoicism towards a goal we know lies ahead, but are oblivious to the fact that while we hold resentment, all we are doing is spinning the wheels, we are going nowhere just now, but without the remedy, could be embarking on a trip to hell.
The first step in eliminating resentment is to stop deluding yourself that your resentment is justified. Perhaps you have plenty of reason to be hurt, but resentment is never justified. In the last analysis, resentment will do you more damage if you keep it up than any hurt you are now experiencing.
Mark puts it in plain language
Mark 11:26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings.
The Apostle Paul is even more forceful, and tends to suggest that “Resentment and Bitterness” are parcelled up with a number of other equally distressing and unattractive behaviour patterns, which may carry the genes that will produce the offspring of unacceptable character before God.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarrelling (brawling, clamour, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.
The Lord covered the problem when He taught the Disciples a very simple yet profound prayer. It is amazing how He covered all bases, and if we read the following verse in its entirety, the remedy is forgiveness, but the malady is “EVIL
Luke 11:4 And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us [who has offended us or done us wrong]. And bring us not into temptation but rescue us from evil.
Notice how perilous it is if we fail to forgive, not only do we forgo our forgiveness, we can be involved in EVIL.
Just in case we are not convinced, here are some scriptures to further the study on this subject. I suggest you study to “rectify” the matter, not to “justify” a position, for when we look for vindication, we are trying to convince someone, and this is generally only our self!!!!!
Colossians 3:13 Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive].
Luke 6:37 Judge not [neither pronouncing judgment nor subjecting to censure], and you will not be judged; do not condemn and pronounce guilty, and you will not be condemned and pronounced guilty; acquit and forgive and release (give up resentment, let it drop), and you will be acquitted and forgiven and released.
1 Timothy 2:8 I desire therefore that in every place men should pray, without anger or quarrelling or resentment or doubt [in their minds], lifting up holy hands.
Matthew 6:15 But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.
Luke 17:4 And even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and turns to you seven times and says, I repent [I am sorry], you must forgive him (give up resentment and consider the offense as recalled and annulled).
Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment(anger, animosity) and quarrelling (brawling, clamour, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).
James 1:19 -20 Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. For man’s anger does not promote the righteousness God [wishes and requires].
Matthew 18:35 So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses.
SEE CHART BELOW
Ross Smith 